Feel to heal
by Tracey Metzger
I spent the better part of twenty years trying not to feel the pain.
My coping mechanism had been to compare my trauma to others less fortunate than I, in order to put mine in perspective.
I am the queen of looking on the bright side.
It could be worse.
People have suffered more trauma than I have.
I should be grateful it wasn’t worse.
I plowed through. I was strong.
But my strength became my weakness.
My pain and trauma had to go somewhere.
I stuffed it down deep and my body fought to keep it there.
Until it couldn’t fight anymore.