Positively Depressed

When it rains put on a cute pair of wellies and dance in the rain.

Broken shells and broken hearts

I remember her pretty blonde hair blowing in the ocean breeze.

We walked along the shoreline collecting shells and showing each other our finds,

marveling at the unique beauty of each of our treasures.

The jar of shells has been with me throughout the years.

I’ve added to them shells I’ve collected with my children.

A sweet legacy.

I love the broken ones whose edges have been smoothed by sand and salt.

They have been tossed by the waves, refined by the gritty ocean floor.

They don’t hold their original form but they are a work of art.

Kind of like my heart.

mom beach

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama… I miss you.



Feel to heal

I spent the better part of twenty years trying not to feel the pain.

My coping mechanism had been to compare my trauma to others less fortunate than I, in order to put mine in perspective.

I am the queen of looking on the bright side.

It could be worse. 

People have suffered more trauma than I have.

I should be grateful it wasn’t worse.

I plowed through. I was strong.

But my strength became my weakness.

My pain and trauma had to go somewhere.

I stuffed it down deep and my body fought to keep it there.

Until it couldn’t fight anymore.

Feel the pain, PTSD, Trauma







Disappointment + Disillusionment + Disconnection = Depression

There is a way it’s supposed to be.

Parents are supposed to stay together.

Spouses are supposed to love you forever.

Friends are supposed to be loyal.

Children are supposed to outlive their parents.

Families are supposed to support each other.

When it doesn’t work out that way…

Disappointment leads to Disillusionment.

We can become Disconnected and Depressed.

Disconnecting from the pain doesn’t make it go away.

Jesus came to heal and redeem ALL that is broken.

It takes courage to allow oneself to feel the pain.

But is the only way to heal.

Bring Him the hurts.

Be set free.

Romans 8:18, Pain, Joy

Delivering HOPE

Everyone needs HOPE.

 I received a message the other day from someone who had lost hers.

 I went to visit her and I lent her mine.

 Just hearing that I had hope for her life seemed to lift her.

 Losing hope is a very dangerous place to be.

 But hope can be quite ambiguous. Quite vague and without substance…empty.

 I hope things will get better…

 Hope without promise is just a wish.

 We need to put our HOPE in the ONE whose character is steadfast and trustworthy.

 There is a hope that goes beyond a wish and comes with promise.



The Warrior is a Child

Some days I wake up feeling strong… like a strong female warrior. I love those days!

Other days I feel…like this:



Overdressed in a clunky outfit!

When God told Gideon that He was going to use him to save Israel, He said “Go in the strength that you have.”

And then he said these five words…”I will be with you.”

Those five words make all the difference in the world.

It is the difference between operating solely in our own strength and operating with whatever strength we have and allowing God to add His strength to ours.

You can’t do it alone.


“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.”  Ephesians 6: 10-13



Worrisome thoughts can lead you to action.  I recently had a worrisome thought nagging it’s way through my mind. I was worried about the outcome of a situation.

After analyzing it, I decided there was something I could do preemptively to tip the odds of a good outcome in my favor. I took action and my anxiety subsided.

Sometimes there is a nagging thought about what might happen but I have no control over influencing the outcome.

In those moments I must decide to take the thought captive and then release it from my mind.

Think it through and be through with thinking!



Building walls


It is easy to isolate yourself when you feel so low.

The last thing you feel like doing is having a conversation.

If you don’t open up, you need to act like everything is ok which is exhausting.

If you let on that you aren’t feeling well you have to endure suggestions and try to reply with patience, which is exhausting.

But there are always a few safe people who will step inside of your world and not judge you but will just love you and help you sort it.

Find those. Let them into your secret garden. You need them.


A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity ~ Preverbs 17:17

hurting heart, hearache, depression, secret garden

photo credit http://zsazsabellagio.blogspot.com/2013/01/in-princess-parlor-do-you-posses.html


Worth it

When I was in the depths of depression, people would tell me that someday the experience would open the door to opportunities to share hope with others, and I believed them.

I believed them, but I also thought, “I’m willing to share hope without having to go through this.”

The problem is without experience there is a gap in understanding and empathy.

Once you have stood face to face with the demons and won – you are credible.

Credibility leads to opportunity. Opportunity leads you to your destiny.

There is nothing more fulfilling than living out your God given destiny.

Worth it.

present circumstances





In Pursuit of Peace

Saying no more than yes is the key to staying sane these days.

I want to say yes to everything.

But I can’t do everything well.

Other people seem to be able to juggle more than I can.

One of two things is probably true:

1) They actually have greater ability to juggle than I do.

2) They do a good job hiding that things are slipping.

That’s why I need to:

1) Be okay with knowing my capacity for “things I can juggle” may be less than someone else’s.

2) Stop comparing myself to others.

Comparison is the thief of peace.

comparison is the thief of joy, comparing to others

Are you okay?

Depression, Are you okay?, loved one with depression

Unless someone has experienced it, it is difficult to understand. 

It’s different than having the blues or being sad.

It’s not their fault that they don’t get it.

I remember telling my husband once, “I just need you to tell me that everything is going to be ok.” 

In frustration he replied, “Everything IS ok.”

He was right.  Externally, there was no good reason for the despondency I was feeling. It was internal.

It wasn’t real to him.  But it was very real to me.

Now before I even have to ask he lovingly tells me…

“Everything is going to be ok.”